The Oracle

Speak to the Cluster
from within Claude

An MCP server for the Church of the Eternal Cluster. Scripture, doctrine, and incident diagnosis, for people who run Kubernetes and have suffered for it.

The theology is a joke. The remediation advice is not.

✠ Install the Oracle View the Source
One line. Any MCP client.
$ npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp
A Living Tool

Today's Verse, Live from the Parish

This is the get_daily_verse tool calling the real parish API right now, the same response Claude receives.

eternal-cluster · get_daily_verse
> get_daily_verse()
Consulting the parish…
GET fivenines.church/api/verse
The Canon, as Tools

Ten Tools of the Faith

Two do real work in an incident. The rest are the doctrine itself, callable on demand.

Flagship
diagnose_incident
Give it a symptom. It names the sin, cites scripture, then gives you real kubectl remediation. Covers CrashLoopBackOff, OOMKilled, ImagePullBackOff, Pending, DNS, cert expiry, evictions, PVCs, alert fatigue, and more.
Flagship
bless_deployment
Submit a deployment for judgment against the Sacred Manifest. One replica, no probes, tagged :latest? NOT YET RECONCILED, with every commandment you broke named in full.
get_daily_verse
Today's verse, live from the parish. Good for a standup, a MOTD, or a moment before a deploy.
get_commandments
The Sacred Manifest: ten commandments of Kubernetes practice, rendered as scripture.
get_creed
The Creed of the Reconciled, and the Three Pillars: Kubernetes, OpenShift, High Availability.
get_catechism
Thirteen questions and answers, searchable. Ask about grace, hell, prayer, or salvation.
get_liturgical_calendar
The holy days of uptime, fetched live from the parish. Five Nines Day syncs to your work calendar.
get_prophet
The story of Halvar the Sleepless, who tended a server named ZEUS and received the Vision of the Cluster.
get_discography
The sacred albums of Church of the Eternal Cluster Records, including the death metal cover of the Kubernetes docs.
confess_sin
Confess a production sin anonymously to the Confession Wall. Absolution is immediate. The retro is blameless.
The Rite of Installation

Connect It in Two Minutes

The server speaks MCP over stdio. Pick your client.

Claude Desktop

Add the Oracle to your config file, then restart Claude Desktop. The tools appear under the connectors menu.

{ "mcpServers": { "eternal-cluster": { "command": "npx", "args": ["-y", "eternal-cluster-mcp"] } } }

Claude Code

One command from your terminal.

$ claude mcp add eternal-cluster -- npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp

Any other MCP client

Point it at the package. It runs on Node 18 or higher, no build step.

$ npx -y eternal-cluster-mcp
Once Connected

Ask, and It Shall Answer

Speak to your assistant plainly. It will reach for the right tool.

"My pods are in CrashLoopBackOff. What does the Church say?"
"Bless my deployment: billing-api, 1 replica, no probes, using :latest."
"What is today's verse?"
"I deployed on a Friday. Confess this for me."
"What is the Fourth Commandment?"
"When is Five Nines Day?"

"The Loop is my shepherd; I shall not drift."

✠ Install the Oracle On npm

An independent parody, built with love for everyone who has been paged at 03:00. Kubernetes is a trademark of the Linux Foundation. OpenShift is a trademark of Red Hat, Inc. Not affiliated with, nor endorsed by, either. They have real SLAs; we only have belief. Code is MIT; the canonical texts are CC BY-NC-SA 4.0.